kelbi

 This week is kicking my butt. :)  I am very tired, although I think I'm tired because I feel pretty nauseous. Not throwing up or anything (hopefully I won't), but just very blah all the time. It's not making me want to eat. Actually - I really want to eat a chicken salad or tuna salad sandwich, but apparently I should stay away from mayo because it has raw eggs. :( Maybe I can make a chicken salad sandwich tonight with sour cream :) That works.
The other bad thing is that my HS friend is here (for about a week - she leaves tomorrow!) and while I'm glad she is here, there are 2 things:
1. Apparently, what I do is not 'work' and she thinks I can just take of time for her.
2. I am pregnant and not feeling 100% which I can't really explain because I'm not saying anything yet

I probably could tell her, but she is one of those people that would probably be all "oh, how sweet" and blah, blah, blah - there
just isn't that much to talk about at 7 weeks and I don't want to go through the whole girly stuff because that's not me! Yes,
I can obsess in my own way - but I don't go freak-out and girly like that. In fact, F---- and I have a basic no 'cutie' stuff for the baby :)
Babies are cute - we just aren't really going for the pastels and stuff. Primary colors work better :)

So, I go to work and my friend goes around DC doing the tourist thing during the day.  Then we come home, eat and relax.  Thankfully,
she does seem tired from all of the walking and tourist things so I don't have to entertain much.  It's funny though - she has been living
in Doha, Qatar for about a year now - she is working at the ----------   ------------- School in elementary ed (I think part of the reason why she thinks my office job is easier than hers.... ha!!  Her day is shorter and seriously is less stressful -- I deal with kids going through MAJOR changes in life and, as an administrative in this whole global endeavors, makes them feel like I'm responsible for their entire time abroad, housing, flights, etc, etc. :0  It's not bad - I love my field, but I swear, students are getting stupider and stupider and more dependent on 'adults.'  Which, I have to break for them because when they go abroad they ARE 'adults' and are VERY MUCH expected to act like it)  Anyways, I don't think my job is more draining than hers, but it's very annoying as people think most of my job is traveling and fun and IT IS ACTUALLY WORK!!  Like any other job.  Except I do admin stuff, marketing, teaching, supervising, accounting... all rolled into one!  (which makes it fun, but it's not just doing nothing!  shesh)

Anyways - I was getting too...  She has been living in Qatar for about 9 months.  The thing about living abroad, particularly in many parts of Africa, Asia, Latin American and the Middle East, is that you don't really live IN the culture, but live within compounds or at least only meet up with other expats.  This happens more in the Gulf like Saudi, UAE, Qatar where you have cities with such large (40-80%) communities of expats and/or you live/work in compounds with only those people like where you are from.  It can make for a rather odd experience because most of the time it now becomes 150 times harder for you to get into the local culture.  Plus, go to someplace like the Gulf and you have to also come to grips that the Gulf is pretty 'new' and so your not going to find many old buildings and stuff because that's not how everyone really lived and most of the past 50 years has been spent building fantastic new buildings.  AND, in the ME, most the culture is so that you don't really get 'into' the culture unless you know a family who is already there.  It's a protective family thing.  But, that makes it extra hard for visiting workers as well.  Which leaves them with a culture that is working abroad, but really with other expats and, as people not having to pay much taxes and having their housing and other things covered by their employer... they have lots of cash.  Which equals = eat out a alot and drink a lot.  I get a bit frustrated about this, but  - from the reasons above - I know why it happens and it's hard to overcome.  (however, I do think if people tried to learn the local language, no matter if you don't need it!, it would help)

So, she is living in Doha and shops there and eats out and is getting a bit of the local stuff.  (don't get me wrong from above :))  The funny thing is that restaurant food is different from home cooking ME food.  And, at my house, we do the home cooking :)  Which means, the meals are rice based.  As a born and raised American - this is not a rice eating society.  We are much more pasta-based.  Which means that when you start in with a ME family, you are eating a bunch of rice.  Which, can leave you feeling unfulfilled at dinner.  So, I can tell that my friend is at that point, but I'm not offering any help.  Which, is kinda' bad, but we don't really have anything else.  The meal is made with rice and I can't really put pasta in there.  Plus, the meal is more veggies and a bit of chicken which is also different.  She is used to the ME eating out which is lots of snacks and stuff.  Plus, the hummos and stuff is side things that don't mean much to the meal.  So, that is a change, but oh well.  I wish I could make some of the more fun meals like dumplings and stuff, but I'm not sure if she would like that either since the flavors are different from American food.  

And she keeps saying that she doesn't like spicy because she would like to taste the food and not have her tongue burnt... F--- is holding his tongue and not saying anything to me, but I know he is thinking that her food HAS NO flavor and so the spices are there to help :)  I tried to get that to my friend - the idea of do to other what you want done to you is tricky across cultures because some things like you like is NOT considered good in other cultures :)  There are fewer universal behaviors than people think (and at the same side,  more).

So, that is my daily posting - lots of fun with my friend and I still want to see her in Qatar to see what they are all doing with their free time :)  

Sorry - no post for awhile... I'm getting more used to the idea and there just isn't much to share from day to day! :)

In week 6 we told family and a few (4) friends that we are pregnant.  I always wanted to wait, but I suppose it's ok to say stuff.  I mean, what happens, happens and so far I don't think people would talk too much if something didn't go well...
 
So now I am about 7 weeks along.  Yay!  My first dr's apt is next Wednesday when I actually get confirmed that I am in fact pregnant.  I keep taking a pregnancy test each week... does anyone else find that it's ridiculous that they don't bring you in earlier?  At least for the first pregnancy.  I mean, they didn't even tell me to take vitamins or anything so I have been taking things just 'on my own' for the past 4 weeks.  I will write a better thing later about the unfairness between women's care and male care...

Anyways, really starting yesterday I am feeling nauseous.  Not throwing up (I guess that's a good thing), but just nauseous.  And mostly mid-morning through mid-afternoon.  If I keep eating, that helps, but once it starts, I don't want to eat.

Plus, I'm getting REALLY tired.  After this post, I'm actually going to drive home and take a 1/2 hour nap.  I can't really sleep anywhere here (maybe the car) and it's summer so traffic and parking isn't that bad.  I can't keep this up though!  It's a very odd tired.  A week or so ago, it was like exhausted, but different.  Now, it's getting mroe into "I can't keep my eyes open."  Not good for working...

Hopefully I will work something out.  My friend is visiting and staying at our house and I haven't told her I'm pregnant (not until AT LEAST the first dr's apt) so I have to act perky and stuff and that is kicking my butt.  I'm super tired.  Which is also not good - shouldn't I exercise still?  But, if I'm tired...  Not good.  I'm getting fat, I think.  :(  Ah well - maybe that'll help to prevent stretch marks ;)

I'll try to write more about what's going on and cool stuff I'm getting from my mom!

So yesterday and today I have been pretty dizzy. Well, it started Friday. I had something to eat in the am and then had a meeting that didn't let me eat until two pm. By that time I was VERY weak/dizzy. And for the last two days it had come and gone. Which seems to mean I need to eat more frequently. Or that I have low iron.
I do feel more awake today and even did a bit of wii this morning!

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No, I didn't faint, but my goodness!  I felt VERY faint!  It was bad!

This morning I had my normal granola bar.  I do know I need to get better about eating in the morning.  At lunch, I had to go out to get some legal papers signed (well, I was a wittness) and by the time that was over it was around 1 pm!!  I was very hungry and so got food and rushed back to the office - finally able to eat at 2 pm.  Now, coming back, I felt a bit off, but by the time I got to the office - I was actually Faint.  Like I was going to pass out.  My blood presure must be so low.  And my student workers are still dumb and don't do things very well or with much effort.  (right now, they are reading and not doing anything productive)  My boss called (and I was OUT!), which they told me about 1/2 hour after I had gotten back.  And a student who I was supposed to have a meeting with at 2 pm apparently showed up early and hasn't come back yet.  $20 she tries to blame me.  Which - hell NO - I'm not putting up with that.  Seriously - I work in int'l ed and if they think I"M unfair for not being in my office until when I said I would be, they have issues going abroad....

Anyways, I still feel very faint and so will finish what I need to do and GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE.  I have a friend coming in today and we are seeing a movie at 10:20, but considering how I feel now, I want to lay down before that. 

 This is day number 39

You're 5 weeks pregnant
Your baby's age since conception is 25 days / 3 weeks
There are 241 days until your due date! (86.1% to go)
39 days passed - 39/280 represented on the bar chart below

In the know: Your breasts may already be preparing themselves to nurse the baby. They may feel tender and will probably be growing larger. You can help relieve some of the soreness by wearing a soft cotton sports bra (even at night) and also make sure you are not drinking large amounts of caffeine. There are many signs of pregnancy, ranging from those that make you wonder if you might just be pregnant to those that even your caregiver will consider proof positive. Here's a look and the signs and symptoms you may experience, and how likely each one is to be correct! pregnancyandbaby.sheknows.com No kidding!  As I mentioned before, my boobs are not so buggy as before (I won't really say 'tender,' but there is a difference), but I certainly can see that they have already grown!  After they were itchy, I got some lotion with shea butter and coco butter (?) that has really helped a lot.  I put those on every day.  They said that because stretch marks come from under the skin, lotion can't really stop them, but it doesn't hurt and it'll help the itching which DOES come from skin stretching. The other thing today... I can't fit into my trousers!!!!  Oh no!  Why already?  That doesn't make sense!  Last week I was super bloated, but I'm not really this week.  I don't see any difference and isn't it early for that?  My weight is about that same... ????????? Now, in the past 8 months I did gain 10 pounds so my clothes were a bit tight.  I guess that I have to either buy new trousers or figure out a way to make these work.  (there is something like a baby belt that you can use to keep together your pants, while they are actually open?  - I think I would need a long shirt to cover that up though) So, I may check that out this weekend to see how that works. I think I also need to buy this weekend something to send to my mom, brother and sister to announce that I'm pregnant.  I think I found a good book online (But you don't look like a grandmother - or something like that), but I want to SEE the book before I send it.  I don't want it to say something I don't like!!! :)  I think for my brother and sister, it's going to be something small....   I'm the first one in my family (siblings - half my cousins are 10-25 years older than me, the other half about 10-15 years younger) to have a kid so I want to make it kinda' fun and special.

 This is day number 38

You're 5 weeks pregnant
Your baby's age since conception is 24 days / 3 weeks
There are 242 days until your due date! (86.4% to go)
38 days passed - 38/280 represented on the bar chart below

In the know: The baby is only about 2mm (1/10 inch) long, but is well nourished and is growing rapidly.

from pregnancyandbaby.sheknows.com  

I like this daily email.  It doesn't give much info, but I like to see that I am almost 20% through my pregnancy already.  It makes me feel a bit less nervous about things. :)  I know, I know - what will happen with happen.  But, it makes me feel better :)

I need to figure out a better way to sleep.  My neck is very sore today and I'm sure it's tied to how I'm sleeping.  I'm mostly sleeping on my left - lol.  They always say to do that and I didn't think I would because I sleep on my stomach and right side, but I'm actually more comfortable on my left!  And I do have a body pillow - even now.  I find that as I get ready for bed, I get more cramps and when I lie down, it's best to have my head down, on my side, with the body pillow.  But, since my head is normally not to this side, I think it's messing up my neck muscles.

Oh - my 'days' right now really are estimates since I haven't gone to the doctor yet and don't go until week 8.  (crazy, huh?  They didn't even tell me to take pills or anything now...)  I feel like I should be further along, but this is based off my last period.  So, I'll update everything when I find out for sure... I mean, I won't change the dates here, but I'll post the 'correct' due date in a later post.

Today I REALLY want something other than water.  Not juice, but soda.  So, I got a grape soda.  No caffeine.  It sounds like  that should be ok, as long as I don't drink a lot of it.  (sugar and other stuff not so good, but not so bad either)  Of course, I took one sip and don't feel so much like it anymore.  I don't really feel like the water either, but I'm still thirsty. :(
I'm trying to think of a way to tell my mom.  I am more of less down to making a calendar for her to 'follow' us along with.  Of course, I don't know exactly when I would be due (somewhere around Feb 18th from my figuring out) and so that makes the calendar a bit difficult to do.  And, there are no calendars that go from June 2009- Feb 2010 unless you custom it.  Which leads me to problem one.  I wanted to make stickers like "dr's apt" "sonogram" "week 6-40" "felt kicks" and stuff like that.
But, that is a lot of work, so I may go back to a regular thing of sending her something with 'grandma' on it.  Which would still be cute, but I like the calendar better.  Because she lives in CA and and I'm in VA, I want her to feel involved.  I think it'll be good for her after my grandma died this Feb.
The other idea I thought was cute was to take pictures in 'phrases' poses.  Like bun in the oven, barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen, pea in a pod, etc.  I may do that still.
Also, I want to get something for my brother and sister with aunt and uncle on it to announce it to them. :)
Any suggestions?

Baby Sleeping
I found a good article today on when baby should sleep through the night: http://pregnancyandbaby.sheknows.com/blog/baby-sleep/when-do-babies-sleep-through-the-night/
Now, I may not be good when I have my own kid, but in general my idea of child rearing seems harsh to most people until I see these articles.  (and this one: "Can a child have an eating disorder?")  Because, I do think that the parents should BE the parents and that kids need to know their barriers and what they can and can not do and LEARN from the parents how to act.  My friend's baby knows that when the mom is feeding her, she can be fussy and nothing will happen, but she eats fine with everyone else.  Likewise, the baby still sleeps with her mom and she is almost 1 1/2 old!  Of course, the baby won't sleep otherwise if you go to her!  We tried, when she was a little baby still to get them to understand that you can leave the baby crying if nothing is wrong, because sometimes babies just cry.  They can't express they are tired, so they cry.  They don't know how to fall asleep, so they cry.  They don't feel good, so they cry.  It's fine, they will stop after 10-15 minutes if nothing is wrong.  And during those 10-15 mintues - YOU CAN'T BE IN THE ROOM!  They see you and know you are there and so will keep it up!  Babies are SMART!  They apparently know how to manipulate people after like 4-6 months!
So, that is my plan and hopefully that will work fine.  As long as I remain calm.  And stick to my guns.  Because I do NOT want to have a year old child who can't sleep on their own, be feed without fussing or anything like that!!  You have to deal with the fussing to get them to do what needs to be done!!!

 Maybe I spoke a bit soon...
This afternoon my boobs have been itching like crazy!!!  I don't even think that they are getting much larger (I have noticed a bit, but not a lot), but they are much firmer than before this month.  I still feel like they are not as heavy as last week, but itching is supposed to mean they are growing!  On the way home, I am getting some shea butter lotion!  I have been using lotion on them in the morning, but maybe it's not good enough.  (gosh, with all this water and lotion I'm surprised I'm still ichy)
Second thing - around 3 pm I got very hungry.  Then a bit frustrated because I didn't know what for.  ... Taco Bell!  I got a Cruchwrap Supreme which was awsome - veggies, meat and beans + a tortilla and a bean burrito (ugh - can do without that).  Now, about an hour later, I feel a bit full, but I'm glad I got that today to eat...
This is after my lunch, but I need to start to change my lunch.  Ugh - much more planning!  I need to get stuff to eat in the morning and then a more well-rounded lunch.  So far this week I had inari and a plum yesterday and apple today.  Apparently, that is not enough.
And... every day I get tired around 4 pm.  I'm tempted to change my working hours so that I can go home early... But, I would have to get to work earlier and that is probably not going to happen.  Of course, as I mentioned before, I seem to be getting up quicker so maybe that'll work at some point! :)

Starting to do my blog with Day and Week since that annoys me when I start looking at other pregnancy blogs - I hear the symptoms, but I don't see WHEN!! (they usually figure to put in date by about the 6-7th week :))

It's weird because I don't really 'feel' so pregnant anymore. Last week (duh, I tested!), I felt more pregnant - albeit it is a lot like my period coming, but with just a 'different' feel. I could tell that my boobs got a bit bigger (and firmer), my eyes got a bit more tired, I naturally started eating better (then, once I knew, I REALLY ate healthier), I was very thirsty, thirsty for milk (I NEVER drink milk), and I had little cramps (and lots of gas). Now, I feel pretty normal. Kinda' like I had my period already and now it's over. Except at night. For the last two nights I have been SOOOOO hot! 

"Week 5 of Pregnancy: Pregnancy Hormones Kick In

The level of hCG (the pregnancy announcer hormone) in your urine is high enough to be detected by a home pregnancy test, so you'll be able to confirm what you probably already suspect: you're expecting!"   www.whattoexpect.com

Me: duh!  I got confirmed last week.  Actually, I still think that is interesting because my period used to be on a 45 day cycle and the month before this, it was like 25 day and so I really didn't think that I should/could be pregnant because I tested on something like the 20th day!  Which makes me kinda' wonder exactly HOW far along I am.  ... very odd stuff.

And with every odd thing that happens, I get a bit pissed off (well, not pissed off, but I find it interesting) about how much we DON'T KNOW about female medical conditions like pregnancy, hearts and all that fun stuff.  Not fair.

So, I don't feel very different, but I don't notice anything that would mean that something bad is going to happen.  It just seems like everyone is different and that you basically just wait for a bunch of stuff.  .... You wait to see if your pregnant.... You wait for your first dr.'s appointment at 8 weeks... you wait for your belly to get big enough for new clothes... you wait for the birth itself.  This is very inexact, which I'm normally ok with going with the flow, but I guess I'm just nervous in general if something happens.... But, I can't, so it's an odd in-between spot.

So, after getting mad at Faisal last night (although it was normal and not hormones!), I woke up this morning quite awake- like a morning person! Yes, it was 11 am, but we sleep in on the weekend and more than that... I was PERKY!!!
So, I don't feel so neauseous or not hungry or bloated, but I have been snacking all day. Which is probably because I'm at home and have all this stuff around. Thankfully, after I wrote it all down, it's not too bad.
But know what is bad? I want to loose some weight. I'm not overweight, but this past 8 months I put on 10 pounds. I'm still trying to figure out why. As much as I can tell, in order to not lose weight, I can only have 1,100 calories a day. Even when I was swimming for an hour!! So now I'm a bit heavier than I'd like. And I shouldn't diet. Of course I won't, but I'd be lying if I didn't say that I hope all this healthy eating helps me out ;)
I really just want my neck/chin area to be thinner. My neck/shoulder is thinner, but I'm still waiting for the other part. Of course,last time I was home, I noticed everyone had that so maybe it's a family thing...
But, aparently I can still exercise. My problem Is that I wasn't very regular about it before so I'm not so sure how much to do now. Yoga seems safe (and swimming) do I'll just stick to those and walking at lunch. That should be fine.

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 Sooo, now I'm worrying about every little thing.  Well, not so bad, but enough to be googling everything that is going on.  Since I am *barley* pregnant, there is still a chance this can not go through.  So, what are the signs?  And, earlier this week, I *felt* pregnant (hence my taking a test even tough it was early for my period,... but my period has been off latley), but now I don't feel all that different.  I was hungry before and eating a lot of dairy, but now I'm not that hungry - or even all that thirsty.  Have I just gotten more healthy and therefore my body is happy about that?  Or does it mean something else?  I'm not even all that nauseous- I was a bit earlier this week.  My temperature is a bit high and I'm getting headaches.... see?  Over-analyzing.

And the descriptions of miscarriage are so-so helpful:

Women under the age of 35 yrs old have about a 15% chance of miscarriage

What are the Warning signs of Miscarriage:

If you experience any or all of these symptoms, it is important to contact your doctor or a medical facility to evaluate if you could be having a miscarriage:

• Mild to severe back pain (often worse than normal menstrual cramps)
• Weight loss
• White-pink mucus
• True contractions (very painful happening every 5-20 minutes)
• Brown or bright red bleeding with or without cramps (20-30% of all pregnancies can experience some bleeding in early pregnancy, with about 50% of those resulting in normal pregnancies)
• Tissue with clot like material passing from the vagina
• Sudden decrease in signs of pregnancy

Ok - I think I'm ok.  Unless I get #3-6...

I have starting writing down what I eat, which is helpful considering I got horrible gas two days ago.  I'm not sure why, but it woke me up! :(  Great - I'm gassy.  How lovely ;)  I don't think I'm constipated, but that gas is stopping stuff up.... lovely...      I'm also feeling kinda' cramping (which may be more gas) on the right hand side.  That sounds normal, I think.

Hmmmmmmmm, what do I feel like now?  Pesto pasta!  Although I just read that pesto may not be good early in pregnancy?  Anyone know?  That seems odd.  Oh no!  I just read that you shouldn't eat mayo because it uses raw eggs!!!  Shoot - I love mayo and did have that this week.  Awwwwwwww man!  Maybe I'll have another pasta with spinach.  That sounds healthy :)

 So, I apparently meet my day at 4 pm.  Start: headache and tired.  Which is not good considering I wake up tired and have been getting to work late all this week.  But, if that is the case that I'm tired at 4 pm, I should work on getting here on time so I can at least leave on time every day.  I think work will be challenging.

Challenges:
1. Doctor's appointments  (this may not be so bad, but I'm really going to use my sick leave! - 17 days worth right now)
2. Nausea/pee (I'm not thowing up, hopefully I won't)
3. Mentality - staying on track with paperwork and students
                        (need to better organize the files and processing procedures)
4. Prepare to leave - set up procedures book that we have been working on for 2 years.  Get in there frequent emails, letters, billing info, etc.
5. Tell boss at.... 10 weeks?  (should be pretty 'safe' at that point)

I'm sure I'll think of more

 So, I'm back to posting on this blog because I don't advertise this one...  So, I can write whatever I want.

I started this about 3 weeks ago... :P

People always misunderstand what I am saying.  And since it is so prevalent, I should figure out what people are not understanding in how I talk and how to get them back on track.  Of course, one of the things is that people seem to think I'm stupid.  I know that I look YOUNG - I'm 29 and people usually think I'm 20-24 - but, even if I'm young, I'm not STUPID.  And people KNOW what I have done in my life and all my travels... do they think I just float around the world with no understanding of how things are?  Silly.

And people RELY on me for anwsers to culture, visas, legal issues, taking care of people, etc so they obviously KNOW I'm not that dumb...  I think part of the problem is that I will ask back questions to see what other people say.  It's a way for them to figure out what is going on.  If I do that - don't treat me like I'm stupid - I'm trying to HELP YOU OUT!

Whatever....

What I wore today. Women like this; my husband doesn't ;)

Yummy veggie sandwich from Booeymonger and brownie

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 So, F and I had another big fight yesterday and it's true that if you think negatively, you act upon it.  I don't think that's all, but it's enough that I need to start thinking positively again.  I know that it is F's attitude that got me thinking the other way - it's this defensive Arab mindset that doesn't mesh well with my Northern CA mindset.  And it has gone far enough that it's not working.  Of course, I don't follow it like an Arab (it's not so bad because it's part of them) - oh, and I am doing a VERY big generalization- we are looking at certain Arabs from, like the Levant/Gulf area mostly and those people that are of certain family backgrounds and so need to be definsive in general against society - - and it's not NATURAL to me and so that is why I think it is making me feel like it has poisoned by soul so much...
So, I need to get back to being positive (my natural state believe it or not) and to change my language to reflect that.  *sigh*  I think it'll be hard to start with.  But, I will start with how I write.
So, positive note for the day...  well, yesterday I swam and that was very positive (and then got destroyed with the fight - hehehe, not very positive, huh?).  Today - I was able to walk around a bit at lunch and got a subway sandwich which was pretty yummy.  And I didn't get coffee and haven't had Diet Coke, which is also pretty good for me.  Just water.  I may grab coffee on the way home, but that's ok. :)
Also, UK visa stuff seems to be coming together nicely.

 http://mabsootah.blogspot.com/

 NPR is talking about anxiety and they were saying to keep a journal of stress and what you do to help with that.  I have already started doing stuff - like swimming today, starting to sleep at normal times (sort of), and eating better (well, I'm drinking less soda).

I feel better already, but I think that is in large part because I also dropped my two MBA classes two weeks ago.  There was two weeks left in the semester and I dropped the classes.  How ridiculous is that?!  But, I am SOOOOO glad I did it.  I feel a THOUSAND times better having done that.  If I wasn't allowed to drop, I would have failed both classes because I would have stopped going!  I wasn't failing the classes (I wasn't doing well, but I wasn't failing), but it was getting to a point where I couldn't do anything else.  So silly!

This is why I don't like to go out with dh anymore... They talk crap and I have left because I don't care. I have so much stuff to do at home and dh figures that his stuff is done so it's my problem about the other stuff. Yea, I don't work from home so this IS my only time to get this done.

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I haven't seen this movie - it's on my NetFlixs- but this was very interesting and I'm sure will bug me too because I can be a jerk like that :)

http://www.mentalmayhem.net/mental_mayhem/2008/10/body-of-lies-is.html